Tuesday, May 10, 2011

More Recent Letters

Dear "Quints by Surprise,"

I'm sorry, dears, but quints just aren't by surprise. Well, unless you hit the one in 65 million jackpot, according to Wikianswers. When you have a procedure involving the artificial creation and insertions of lots of babies, you get lots of babies. I know its not guaranteed, but you certainly can't claim a surprise.

Also, having six kids? Pfff. I could name 10 families easy who have way more.

Just pointing out the obvious,
A sometimes viewer who thinks your kids are still cute

*****************

Dear Son,

Yes, it is "still More Easter." And "still more Spring." Its a 50 day season, honey, you don't have to ask every day, promise.

Love,
A Mama who is glad you love liturgical life

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To The Baby who Doesn't Sleep and then Still Gets Up Early,

Just remember. Its never too late for returns or exchanges.

Just sayin'.

*************

Dear Polygamist Husband,

Um... I'm not quite sure how moving your family to escape prosecution for illegal polygamous activities is going to result in... less prosecution since it will still be illegal.

Sincerely,
Confused

***************

Dear Mrs. 2nd Lt.,

Maybe you would get more sleep at night if you stopped watching lame shows on TLC.

You know, something to consider.

Kisses,
Self

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Dear Sister Who Is Coming to Live With Me for the Summer,

Thank you for volunteering to helping preserve my sanity and good sense while husband is gone. It is really kind of one of the most amazing things ever. In fact, it officially totally makes up for the broken dinosaur model.

*Ducking*,
Your grateful sister

Ps. You're very welcome that the Boyo is no longer wetting your bed. Very welcome.

****************

Dear Deployment,

I hate to say this, but could you just start already so you can be over already?

Sigh,
Are We Done Yet


***************

Dear Happiest Place on Earth,

Why do you cost the equivalent of one arm, two legs and a kidney? It makes you a little less.... happy.

Sincerely,
Organs For Sale.

5 comments:

  1. Definitely had that exact same thought about Quints by "surprise"

    ReplyDelete
  2. I 100% agree with everything you posted today! Especially the whole "you'd-sleep-more-if-you-watched-less-mind-numbing-tv" thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I LOVE this! Quints- not a surprise. I love sisterwives! I feel so sad for them! I really wonder if the police in their county could be stopping actual crime or child brides on polygamist compounds instead of a bunch of willing adults who are clearly not harming their children because otherwise their millions of viewers would know about it.

    Dear Baby,
    Please sleep for your mommy so she can keep watching silly TV 'with' me.
    Smooches,
    Concerned Reader

    ReplyDelete
  4. lol thanks emily! you know, tho, when you committ federal offenses and advertise on TV, i dont have a lot of sympathy.

    and actually, i would argue they ARE harming their kids - emotionally. i've listened to the older kids talk about it and its super sad (so are the sister wives. meri? its depressing how sad she is). the one daughter has specifically stated she never wants to share her husband and i heard one of the tween boys *cheer his father on* when he was dating the newest wife. he called hi ma stud or some such thing.

    ugh. that show. and yet i watch.... lol

    ReplyDelete

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