Me, Myself and I

I'd forgotten how intense pregnancy made your dreams.

Apparently, all the rushing hormones and doubled blood volume results in not only a new little monkey to love, but also real as life, wakeup boiling mad like it really happened dreams.

Do you know the feeling I'm talking about? Waking up from a dream furious with your husband/mother/sister/friend/former boss who won't exit your subconscious as though you had just had this completely illogical, utterly geographically impossible wrathful exchange in real life?

And its 3:30 in the morning and your heart is pumping in righteous anger and you can't fall back asleep.

I've spoken before about being spongey and how losing that job really got to me in many, many ways. And honestly, the previous post I wrote it about it was very theraputic for me. It helped me to see God's grace in a rather large cross and truthfully, pinky-swear, I am not just saying this, I don't really think about it anymore.

Until I started having these dreams, at least once week and sometimes more.

Seriously, subconscious me, what is the deal??

Here I am, all psychologically healthily dealing with past problems and you keep shoving it back in my face. Not verra nice!

Its like I'm arguing with myself. Normal, awake me has moved on (for the most part) and genuinely doesn't dwell on the whole business anymore. But sleeping me keeps prodding me with the pointy, hot dwell/sponge stick. The worst part is that the day after I have one of these dreams, it keeps reminding me to remember, which I don't want to do anymore. Constantly going over it in my head doesn't serve any real purpose but to harden my heart. Perhaps that is the reason behind all this - the devil is attacking my mind while I sleep. Maybe I need to step up my St. Michael prayers before bed....

Because, let me tell you, it is a whole lot easier to try and forgive people and to love them with the heart of Christ as we ought (especially when you don't particularly like them) when you don't have to think about them all the time!

I just can't figure it - why can't I go back to my normal repertoire of grade school/high school dreams, mixed in with random occurrences, like flying and really steep hills, and Voyager characters (Shutup, Robert Beltran is cute!)?


Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep, that awake, we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep, rest in His peace. Alleluia

May the all-powerful Lord grant us a restful night and a peaceful death. Amen

from Liturgy of the Hours, Night Prayer