I read a post the other day on a mom blog that bothered me.... and then bothered me lots more when I thought about it over the next few days, especially one of the comments posted.
This mom was doing some round-up type post (maybe an "honest mommy moment" or something) and was confessing to only buying brand-new clothes for her baby. She wasn't nasty about it or anything; she just said that they don't receive handmedowns (no one "above" her son), and she won't buy clothes at yardsales. She considers herself a spoiled person and just likes "new" (her words. Btw, I'm not linking to her post because I'm not trying to point a finger at her. Its just the concept that I'm trying to put on the table for discussion. Nothing she said actually is bad or anything.)
And then, this commenter says:
"I have had a few outfits given to me that came from goodwill and we just put those away and forget about them until she has outgrown them. I don't like the idea of putting an outfit on my child that someone else's kid has stained. I mean really???"Wow.
This made me so sad. Firstly, we have been really blessed - apart from 5 or 6 things we didn't actually need and I just bought "for fun," I have not purchased a single article of clothing for my son in his two year life span with my own money. And, based on the 3T/4T piles that are growing, that streak has a healthy chance of continuing for the most part.
Many of his clothes have indeed been brand new - gifts as an infant and then from grandmothers (waves to her mom) or purchased with giftcards given as gifts (ps. best shopping ever! The thrill of shopping, without any of the spending!)
In addition, although he is the oldest for us, we have also received (great!) handmedowns from two friends in Cali who's sons were slightly older/bigger and from our family's slew of cousins. As a result, I could afford to be picky in what I took - I always weeded out stains, tears and rips because he had so much already.
But I love getting handmedowns from friends/family - um, hello, free clothes! Who cares if someone else's kid wore it few times (or ten times, as long as you can't tell) before your kid gets his hands on it? Have you seen how fast a toddler goes through a pair of playplants? Lets just say, most of Boyo's play clothes won't be making the cut for continued handmedowns! And pajamas! Dress clothes! These kinds of clothes barely get any wear - why not reuse? Share the love!
I have meticulously sorted, resorted and saved all of his outgrown clothes that weren't stained and beyond all hope, in anticipation of another little boyo getting lots of good use (and good pictures!) out of them. I am hoping and praying that if we have a little girl, all of my cute dresses from when I was a baby, will be unearthed from the family handmedown pit - yes mine! That old!
Then, the comment bothered me on a different level because I have purchased gifts for people from consignment shops. I LOVE consignment shops - quality clothes for cheap! I would wear things from there, so why would someone be offended by a gift from that store? Why pay $40 for a new fancy Christmas dress for a baby girl when you can get it for $10 at a consignment shop? They are super picky about what they take - I have never seen a stained anything hanging around.
The woman did specifically mention Goodwill, not consignment, so I will grant that. Although I have never personally had good luck with Goodwill (why can't I find a $5 shirt from Calvin Klein?), I am all about it in theory. And, there is nothing wrong with gifts from those kinds of stores either, provided they are in good shape. I also have a hard time believing that people are giving "stained" gifts. As long as its cute and in good condition, its origins could not bother me less.
And regardless of where something is from, doesn't everyone wash it first anyways?
In addition, the kind of consumerist mentality underlying these sentiments - both in the original post and in the comment - are what made me keep thinking about it. I'm all about used anything. If it can be reused, go for it. Why else would we cloth diaper, use cloth wipes, Diva cups, cloth menstrual products, old kitchen towels instead of paper towels?
We bought a "pre-owned" minivan (hello, cheaper), I use the local library like its my job and love when people say, "hey do you want my fillintheblank?" Used things are 8x out of 10 just as good as new, and cheaper or free. Free! What beats free?
Somehow, the idea that you can't take pride in how your children are dressed because someone else, at sometime wore those clothes mystifies me.
So, while I go dress my child in his "preowned" baseball tshirt (ps. his favorite shirt ever), care to share your thoughts on handmedowns / consigned clothes / giving consigned/used gifts / Goodwill?
Well, I think that mommy was nuts. And awfully snooty.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind hand-me-downs at all if they are in good shape and cute. And although I don't do a lot of thrift or consignment shopping anymore (I think it takes way to much time to find what you need), I don't ever remember seeing clothes that were stained or torn in those places, even Goodwill and Salvation Army--they have workers whose job is to go through and get rid of that stuff.
My one pet peeve is when you pick up a garbage bag of kids' clothes from freecycle and there's stained and torn stuff in there. Just because people need or want something for free, doesn't mean that they deserve garbage. I have gone through those bags of other people's clothes, washing them all, sorting for what we can use, tossing the garbage stuff and then bagging up and reposting the rest of the good stuff for someone else to take. Why would someone else not do that to begin with? Disgusting.
And I have also meticulously washed, sorted, and bagged Lex's clothes for future hand-me-downs to a sibling for Lex or to give away later if that doesn't happen. You're not alone in that organizational insanity. All of our bags are tagged with either "boy" or "gender-neutral" and size.
As for giving gifts from consignment shops, I probably wouldn't do it myself. Not because I think there's anything wrong with doing it, I just don't know that I would ever be THAT certain that the gift was exactly right. You know how you love to get those gift cards? That's how I feel about the ability to make a return if something goes wrong. What if it doesn't fit, or it breaks or shrinks or whatever? I would want the recipient to be able to take it back and exchange it for something else no problem. Can you do that at a consignment shop? Baby gifts might be a different story though, following the rule that you always buy a size bigger than they actually need because they'll wear it eventually.
i'm glad i'm not the only one then!
ReplyDeletethe gifts i've purchased at consignment shops are the kinds of things i figured all babies need - a sleep gown, a newborn outfit or two for a shower. i never thought about the return element, even tho i am big on exchanging myself (since i often get the wrong size)...
as for the freecycle stuff - yea, remember my bag i got with dirty socks? UGH.
i have given things to goodwill that are slightly torn or stained, but its because i can't bear to throw something away that someone MIGHT be able to use - i'd rather have them say, this isn't good enough and toss it, and then at least i know i tried!
LOL. I believe there's usually a sign requesting items not be torn, stained, or dirty because they're just going to throw them away. :-P
ReplyDeleteI guess its much better to keep that worker overseas making .03 an hour in business than to actually think about resources.
ReplyDeleteOf course nobody wants stained up clothing if they have a choice. That's a given. But never been worn before? Or bought second hand with the tags still on? Do they not have a clue just how much that stuff has been handled??? From making the cloth to cutting to sewing to packing to shipping to unpacking to stocking? That is so much better how? Whether its actually been worn or not its been all kinds of "used". LOL!
The whole issue is almost not worth even thinking about. I'd like to see the debt ratio of the people that think like that. Or if there is no debt because they just have that much money...would love to see how their spending breaks out. Betting its about 99% selfish consumerism.
I'll admit that I wasn't too keen on the idea of used clothing when my oldest was a baby. I shopped clearance racks and got his new clothes for the cost of used ones so I justified it in my head. Then when I had baby #2 he wore most of my oldest son's old clothes until they started wearing the same size. Now I shop the twins club consignment sales and have no problem buying an entire used wardrobe (in pairs!!) for all 6 of my kids. I got over that really fast. Most of the time the kids only wear any given outfit a few times before they outgrow it so why pay more? And I don't buy clothes with stains either. They usually look brand new. And we have a lot of Gymboree and Baby Gap that cost about 5% of the original cost.
ReplyDeleteAnd on a different note... you up for a get together before you move? Because I'm here and I'm out running errands almost all week!
Wow...talk about materialistic and self-centered people. I have always GLADLY accepted clothing others have given me. I've never had a problem with it. I've shopped Goodwill, yard sales, consignment shops...and I've found amazing things that were gently worn and worth the very low price marked.
ReplyDeleteAfter my daughter was born, I kept every stitch of clothing she'd ever had (except for stained onsies, etc) for the "future child". When we had a boy, I had about dozen rubbermaid bins (HUGE) filled with cute, frilly, girly stuff from size 0 to 3 years! I decided to host a "free shopping day" at my house for my friends who were expecting, or had a girl smaller than mine. I put the clothing out in different rooms, sorted by size, and handed them all bags and told them to take what they wanted. ALL were gracious. ALL took home several sacks of clothing.
What was left went into a yard sale. I think I'd pared down to about 5 bins. I had high quality clothing, great prices and a lot of people bought nearly-new (worn once or twice, sometimes!) clothing for next to nothing. And at the end, a lady came by, and picked a few outfits. (I was offering the clothing at 25 cents a piece, or $1 for name-brand outfits). The lady picked out about $5 worth of clothing, then asked if I would take less. I told her no, but if she would pay $5, she could take MORE - like all that was left! She gladly took everything I had left for $5. She probably walked away with close to $100 worth of clothing (brand new).
The point is - whether it's new or not isn't the issue. But to come out and say it like these women did...that's just perverse. Shows what's wrong with our society.
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