Instructing the Ignorant

I was the receiving end of a spiritual work of mercy this morning.

I woke up to a lovely email from the original birth support connected to the mean people birth I posted about a month or so ago.  Perhaps you recall the details of the experience?

Most of her email was borderline offensive and out of line - accusing me of being in birthing for the money simply because my husband had noted that perhaps my treatment stemmed from not being valued since my services weren't paid for; accusing me of violating HIPPA and confidentiality despite the fact that no personal details were shared about any parties involved (ps. HIPPA/confidentiality? doesn't mean that you can't talk about things that have happened.  It means you can't use names, identifying features, etc.); accusing me of judging the woman's birth and birth desires even though I specifically said that the mother was fine and while her choices would not have been my choices, she was not bothered by them and did not seem upset by deviations from her birth plan.

She also essentially said that it was *my* problem that the people with her had been rude to me and a support person's role is to accommodate anyone the mother wishes to be with her.  Which, frankly, is not true. Regardless of whether you have paid or volunteer help, regardless of your birth wishes, it is still the mother's responsibility to ensure that her other birth attendants know why I am present and it *not* my job to lie down and be a doormat to rude people just because its not my own birth.  Just because the mother has invited them to be there with her, does not mean that its alright for them to belittle her and be rude to her, nor does it justify whatever attitude or actions they want to take towards others in the room.

In other words, people still have to be nice!

However.

I do think she was right about one thing - that it was not a good idea to have this post written so that when you googled my name along with the services, it was the second thing that Google found.  I don't believe that I said anything offensive about the mom and would not be uncomfortable with her *or* her friends reading it.  I was not uncharitable in my comments, but rather informative about others uncharitable actions.  I do not believe that such a post does "disservice" to all doulas in the area, making it harder for them to find work and paint me in a money-grubbing light with no "passion" for birth.

But I do think its a bad idea for people who are trying to find information to find that first.  First impressions are important and I want that first look to be a positive one, not about a bad experience that I had, regardless of where the fault lies.  So I took it down.  I might re-edit it and try publishing it again eventually, but for now, its hidden away in a draft folder.

Thus, I'm actually grateful, in a bizarre sort of way, for the email and the correction, despite the charity lacking in it.  This ignorant mama has been instructed!