But I'm just not set up to tandem nurse (nurse more than one child at a time. Please sweet merciful heaven don't send me twins).
I have eczema on my nipples and at the risk of TMI/oversharing, I'll stop there. But, considering I've never had eczema anywhere else on my body at any other time in my life, if you ever have nursing that suddenly hurts, peeling skin and cracks of death, that could very well be your problem. Message me.
Anyways, so it makes nursing less than comfortable on good days, but combined with nausea and diminishing supply, which leads to longer nursing times, I've been much more strongly nudging my little pumpkin down the weaning trail.
And, it breaks my mama heart.
I nursed my oldest until 24 months, and this guy is almost 17 months and about done. He nursed no where near as often as the big kid did at this age (all. the. darn. time.) - just nap, bed and early morning. The later was the first to go. Not that it stops him from waking up (please Lord, make the next kid sleep. please).
While I can't fathom *how* I would have weaned my oldest at this age, given his nursing frequency, this has been gentle, some frustrated tears, but mostly tolerated. The hardest part for me, and for him, I imagine, is the going to sleep without nursing - he's just not ready for it. And so it makes my heart hurt that he needs something I can't really give him anymore. Bedtime/naptime has become a bit of a production, with much flinging around, settling and resettling, adjusting position 100 million times, trying to cuddle me with his skull wedged into my cheekbone, and sometimes more comfortable places. He often ends up laying with me like we're nursing, but without the milk.
In fact, the other night, he found a pacifier in the toybox - a silly toy for him that he sometimes gnaws on like a rawhide for teeth troubles, but something he has never, not once in his 17 months of life, used as a soother (even when I begged him in the car). That night he sucked on it until he was almost asleep.
My poor baby.
He hasn't used it since, and I don't think he's going to end up in a lifetime of therapy or anything, it just makes me sad that the joy of a new brother or sister is tempered just a smidge by a situation in which he has to lose something, something he still needs.
And, it breaks my mama heart.
I nursed my oldest until 24 months, and this guy is almost 17 months and about done. He nursed no where near as often as the big kid did at this age (all. the. darn. time.) - just nap, bed and early morning. The later was the first to go. Not that it stops him from waking up (please Lord, make the next kid sleep. please).
While I can't fathom *how* I would have weaned my oldest at this age, given his nursing frequency, this has been gentle, some frustrated tears, but mostly tolerated. The hardest part for me, and for him, I imagine, is the going to sleep without nursing - he's just not ready for it. And so it makes my heart hurt that he needs something I can't really give him anymore. Bedtime/naptime has become a bit of a production, with much flinging around, settling and resettling, adjusting position 100 million times, trying to cuddle me with his skull wedged into my cheekbone, and sometimes more comfortable places. He often ends up laying with me like we're nursing, but without the milk.
In fact, the other night, he found a pacifier in the toybox - a silly toy for him that he sometimes gnaws on like a rawhide for teeth troubles, but something he has never, not once in his 17 months of life, used as a soother (even when I begged him in the car). That night he sucked on it until he was almost asleep.
My poor baby.
He hasn't used it since, and I don't think he's going to end up in a lifetime of therapy or anything, it just makes me sad that the joy of a new brother or sister is tempered just a smidge by a situation in which he has to lose something, something he still needs.
For a while, bedtime was driving me insane - the taking forever and the nausea made a cranky mama bear. Until, I realized: I was ignoring his needs and trying to treat him like a 24 month old, since thats the age his brother was done breastfeeding. And he's not. He's still a baby in many ways, and he still needs Mama to nurse him to sleep, even without the milk.
So I cuddle more. I let him lay on me as long as he needs to, I stroke his sweet, soft face, I hold his little hand and together we learn how to love on each other without the milk.
So I cuddle more. I let him lay on me as long as he needs to, I stroke his sweet, soft face, I hold his little hand and together we learn how to love on each other without the milk.
Oh, I understand! Kieran was 19 months when I got pregnant with Charlotte, and still breastfed more than not. The nausea hit at 3.5 weeks, and was bad enough for meda by 6 weeks. I loved breastfeeding until then. I had to nightwean him. I thought he was completely weaning, but he didn't. So we did tandem feed in the end. But I'd had to greatly limit his milk intake. By the time Charlotte was born, I think he on,y had it before naps. He did pick it back up when the milk came back, though.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you've done a marvelous job nursing those babies (just to start with...and beyond is exceptional in this day in age). I totally applaud you!
Though I wish to say You can do it, you don't have to wean, perhaps just set smaller goals. Maybe nurse for shorter periods of times. Like a minute or two. Or see if there's a compromise that will make things more comfortable for you. Like see if you can limit to just before nap or bed...and distract him if possible?
Eczema...or consider it might be yeast, as yeast makes the nipple red, itchy, and can be very painful too. And pregnancy increases your suseptability to yeast...especially if it's a girl (in my observation). I've tandem nursed twice. No, it's no picnic...but I find that it is so nice to maintain toddler nursing relationship if at all possible. The first time around it was really useful for helping to bond my oldest to his new sister...and to keep the crazy toddler still for a while and allowed me to rest. AND it saved me big time because my daughter turned out to be not such a vigorous nurser (self weaned by 19 months)and I needed help with engorgement, and the toddler kept the healthy flow going. Both wound up self weaning when I was pregnant with #3. Now, my second pairing, it's different in many ways, but again, when ducts get plugged up, I've never have to turn to a pump. I rarely actually nurse them both at the same time. They push and pull on each other too much and are more likely to slip into a bad latch (which seems to cause a duct clog), so I try to avoid it if I can. Though the last few evenings they both just want to nurse so much, I've given it a try. I was trully stoked they both fell asleep so easily last night! Little victories and rewards is what keeps me going. If there's a discomfort, there's bound to be a solution. I hope you find yours, and best of luck no matter what you decide.
nope, its definitely not yeast, promise :) the symptoms on paper sound like yeast, but in person look very different.
Deletehe was already only nursing at nap and bed. thanks for the ideas, and no i definitely know the positives of a tandem relationship, i just know its not for us.
i have peace with my decision to wean, but yes, its still sad too :)
oh and thanks!
{hugs} I conceived my third when my 2nd was only 9 months old. My breasts hurt so badly - I thought it was my son who had suddenly become a maniacal nurser when it was my own hormones - I persevered until he was 13 or 14 months old, reducing the amount of time and times per day and then I dropped him cold turkey when he got down to only a little bit in the morning and at night. It was hard...and I felt terrible...but at least he wasn't hurting my breasts anymore. Although I have always been pregnant before the toddler was weaned, that one was just the worst, and I don't know why. With my current pregnancy, my breasts are even more tender than I remember from then, and I am so glad that I have no nursing child to wean in self-defense. Congratulations on the new baby...I hope that this is the worst "side effect".
ReplyDeleteI'm at that point where I'm so tired of nursing...so tired of being the sole food source...but I still know what you mean about being sad that it's all coming to an end. I can see the end of the tunnel. In baby books, you always record those important "firsts", but the "lasts" go by, usually without notice. It's only in retrospect that you say, "He doesn't sit on my lap anymore." Enjoy these bittersweet moments.
ReplyDeleteI've only tandem nursed once when my 5th baby was born and her older brother thought "OH! They're working again! AWESOMENESS!" I had to force him to wean when I was 5 months pregnant (he was 23 months old) because it honestly felt as if he was ripping my breasts off. He didn't like it, we both struggled with it, but he did finally accept it. However, when his baby sister was born, he seriously wanted to go back to nursing so I let him. He had just turned 2 a couple months before she was born and since hubby was deployed, I seriously needed to find a way to sleep. And nursing the both of them helped. So who knows, he just might go back to it after this babe is born (do you think that might be an option? Or if he'll remember it?)
ReplyDeleteHang in there mama. :) {{hugs}}
Lu was still a vociferous nurser when I got pregnant and it hurt so much. Plus I was so tired I could barely get off the couch, even though I needed to get moving to get the weaning going. It was so frustrating, especially in the beginning when you dont know WHY you just. Can't. Move.
ReplyDeleteIt took a few months to fully wean, and I actually kicked night nursing first because I needed my sleep and couldn't stand the pain. And now we are weaning her out of our bed and into another room. It's so sad to rush her through, though she has replaced falling asleep to milk to falling asleep to my cracking voice singing that dratted song about abandonment "you are my sunshine." both verses, because the song on the cd includes them both. Ironic no?