As a part of my current project - getting certified as a breastfeeding counselor (oh, did I not mention that? ) - I am getting in my lactational reading requirements before actually enrolling.After finishing up The Nursing Mother's Companion (eh. Womanly Art is better), I started Hirkani's Daughters: Women Who Scale Mountains to Combine Breastfeeding and Working. I really like the premise of this book - inspirational stories about exactly what the title says from all over the world. Its like little blog snipets all about breastfeeding.
While I am not in the category of women writing in the book (although I was for five miserable weeks when my oldest was 3 months) and truly hope to not be again (waves hello to husband), I really want to be able to support women who are in this boat. My mother successfully nursed both my sister and I through her maternity leave and upon going back to work, was unable to continue nursing. It was simply too hard - the pumping and support systems were not in place. I am so proud of my mother for being able to breastfeed us and don't begrudge her a minute of not nursing us anymore, but I could always hear a touch of wistfulness in her voice when she explained why she had to stop - it was not 100% her choice. And I would like to help women to make nursing or not nursing their choice, not a dictation of circumstances.Anyways, the intro or prologue or foreword or some such thing is written by a pair of feminists (really, they are self labeled) and I could not help but roll my eyes at their initial
I honestly think that any perceived "male discrimination" against breastfeeding in the workplace is way more likely to come from men's general obliviousity than malevolence. They just do not think to ask things like - oh, you're coming back from maternity leave, do you want a room to pump? do you need pumping time? how about breast milk in the fridge? But, if you ask them, they're all "oh sure, sure, whatever you need."Women, on the other hand - I mentioned needing time/place to pump and the first words I hear are "well, I weaned my baby when I went back to work." Umm, ok, gold star for YOU but I'm talking about what I need. Thanks. Honestly, it feels like an extension of the mama wars; women are so bitterly and nastily competitive with one another, they never seem able to cut other women slack or help a mama out.
I mentioned this on facebook and two women responded that they knew of cases where male superiors were not entirely forthcoming with breastfeeding support (concerned about making up work time lost to pumping; not wanting to store milk in the fridge because it would make people "uncomfortable," etc.).
So, readers, weigh in - is it a cultural lack of breastfeeding support? Is it patriarchal suppression? Is it nasty mama wars at work? Thoughts, experiences, opinions?
Also... is anyone interested in hearing more about breastfeedingish type things? I will definitely post more about it as things pop up in my course work that interests me, but if anyone has any specific topics or questions, I'd be glad to find out and cover them, just let me know.
Good for you! I love talking mama's milk for babies (and I so hope to make some more some day...) so would love to hear more about your experiences with this.
ReplyDeleteMy last place of work had two small "quiet rooms" set aside with an armchair and a sink in each. They seemed to work well, whether for nursing mothers or for people with medical conditions (e.g. diabetics who needed a place for injections) or just for three minutes of peace and quiet away from your chatty coworkers.
ReplyDeleteWell, the job of youth minister it was relatively easy to pump at work....it was being reminded (per diocesan policy) that children were *not* to be brought to work under any circumstances. By my male boss (business administrator) and backed up by the priest, and obviously the diocese.
ReplyDeleteNo experience with pumping at work but I did have a friend who is/was a teacher when she gave birth. She was determined to pump at work but the only place they could give her was a storage closet (with supplies, etc in the closet). She said it was always awkard pumping there and I was surprised her workplace wasn't so 'pump friendly', given the fact that the majority of elementary school teachers are women and moms.
ReplyDeleteMy entire family is anti breastfeeding (I think you saw the somewhat heated convo I had with my cousin on FB), my mom breastfed us until we were 1O mons but completely bailed on me when I was struggling with Owen. All she did was push bottles on me! WTF?
ReplyDeletetam - no i didn't see that! oh wait, was that the pump deducting naysayers? i'm sorry you didn't get support from your mom, that sucks :(
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate enough to not have to go back to work, but at the school where I taught there was a teachers room with couch, fridge, sink, etc that was great for pumping. The only problem was that it wasn't solely a pumping room and so you let others know that you were pumping by hanging the cow picture on the door (No, I do not know how this system was developed.) I also do not know how others were suppose to know what this meant. Being female, pregnant and friends that recently returned from maternity leave I quickly found out, but I am not so sure that all of the teachers would know.
ReplyDeleteI think it's awesome that you're going to be a breastfeeding counselor!! After I had such a hard time in the beginning, it's definitely something that's crossed my mind.
ReplyDeleteSince I haven't worked and breastfed, I don't think it would be fair of me to weigh in on the question - any of my thoughts would just be conjecture at this point.
Oh yes, and post on this topic as much as you want - I enjoy it!
I think it's alot of mommy wars. Like you mentioned, MOST guys are oblivious. Just like nursing in public (which I do at the drop of a hat and without reservation)... most guys won't even notice. It's the women that notice. I remember when I had my first baby, she was about a week old and we had to go to the PX. I thought I was up to it... but I *totally* forgot the diaper bag. I freaked out- no diapers, no bottles, nothing. Until my husband calmly points out "Um, the PX is right there, we can buy diapers. You have two boobs, you nurse." Yet when I proceed to try to nurse in public for the first time, I've got this 6'4" husband with the arm span of a condor holding up this huge fleece blanket trying to shield us. Um... HE made it more obvious that I was nursing, not me and the baby! (Ok, stop laughing now... although the memory of it still makes me laugh) Now that we have 5, he doesn't care and even he doesn't notice sometimes when I'm nursing in public. (anyway... train of thought jumped track... sorry)
ReplyDeleteAnyway... I would pump while out on training exercises. I've pumped in portajohns, I've pumped in humvees. The guys I worked with didn't give a darn as long as I did my job. They even understood if I was a couple minutes late to a briefing and my NCO would cover down for me. I carried a small buttpack (that's what they were called) on my LBE and I had an icepack in there and that's where I'd carry my expressed milk. You know you're hardcore when you have expressed milk in your ammo pouches! :)
But yep... it's mommy wars. For some reason women want to feel guilty if they don't nurse yet scream on the top of their lungs that they want their body back, etc (or any other excuse for nursing that doesn't include medical reasons or biological limitations that prevent them from nursing). It boils down to the same feelings women get whether they gave birth vaginally, c-section, with or without drugs, etc. The fallout from the femnazi movement versus the natural inclination of a woman to BE a woman has cause this bi-polar effect of confusion for most women.