I keep having this terrible dread about our upcoming deployment this summer.
Sure, noone looks forward to deployments or anything and yes, I know thousands of strong wives and mamas that do just fine but, I've found I can't think too hard about whats coming or I start to have anxiety issues. I start to get paranoid about belated post partum depression, about crying myself to sleep, about not having enough patience with the children, about having to drive in the car all alone with a screaming baby to do anything and the list goes on.
My best friend, my helpmate, my other half, my husband - gone - for twelve whole months.
This uplifting Monday post was prompted because Mr. 2nd Lt started an eight day field exercise today. The upside is that its only eight days and its here on post (in a Hardees parking lot. Don't get me started on how hysterical slash ghetto his unit is) and its not thirty days at Ft. Polk or some such thing.
The down side is that its eight long days, eight long evenings and eight long nights. The down side is that it feels like a "practice" for the deployment and my reaction - 4 hours into the first day - is super depressed.
'Cause that bodes well for real separation.
My original plan was to spend lots of time with my fun crunchy friend down the street (moving in June) and my other fun Catholic friend up the highway (moving in June). My original plan has already gone out the window. I have some wonderful other friends in the area but they are all a long, scream-filled ride away.
Sigh.
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Oh, mercy. I struggle when my hubs doesn't come home for *lunch*. You will certainly be in my prayers. I gotta tell you, I went on a low dose of what I affectionately call "crazy pills" after struggling with ppd and whatnot for waaaay too long after my Goose was born. It has made a world of difference in my ability to not cry at little things, patience with my little one, and more. Don't be afraid to do what you gotta do!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya Mama. Owen screamed in the car while Jeremy was working 32 hour shifts and I was navigating a new city alone. I feel ya. Granted, at least I get to see him every three days or so and I cannot imagine how hard deployment is but I can tell you that you are one of the strongest Mamas I know and you will be fine. I know it. Actually, you'll be more than fine. you'll use that time to gain confidence and feel empowered as a Mama, a single Mama. And your boyos - they're lucky to have you. I know its hard, but you always have the internets and that my friend, doesn't require getting in the car AT ALL.
ReplyDeletewish i lived closer! maybe we'll have to schedule a visit during the 2011-2012 fall/winter! i wish i had advice but like pp, i get out of whack when DH works late or goes out for a night....and we don't even have our second yet! god bless you
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to do the drive... I know we can come to you if you'd like. I just asked a dumb question for you on facebook, and came here and had it answered. But my offer still stands if you need anything. I drive easily. I'm one of those moms that adjusts to deployments in less than a week (that's what experience does to you...raising eyebrows and grinning). So I can adopt you as a deployment buddy. :)
ReplyDeletePlease call me if I can help.
This reminds me of my first deployment. The anticipation during predeployment IS really hard! I hate the waiting part. Not that you want it to start, but sometimes it's a bit of a relief when the waiting is over...the waiting for the trial. At least when it's on...it's on and you're just living it. I hate long build ups you see.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, during my first deployment I had a one year old and was expecting my second. I think I went to a mother's group once a week when I could (didn't always make it) and FRG meetings once a month, the commissary once a week, probably walmart too. I decided I wanted to make a reglan sweater for the kids, and that project must have taken up much of my free time after that.
I read this peice today about boredom and how if we just get busy with some sort of work we won't need to be bored. I suppose, that's why I knit. But there's a lot folks could do to fill the gaps of time. I hope you find something to help you sail through this deployment. Try to focus your thoughts of deployment in a constructive way...ie: think about what will need to be done to help you cope with all the day to day obsticles alone, and if there are things you can do to make yourself prepared, do those. Then, just focus on your time together now and charish it.
It's good to treat this as a trial run. My advice for you would be to take notes. What works? What doesn't? If you should lose your patience with the kids, when and why does it happen? Is bedtime difficult because you are used to your husband helping you? Then how can you improve it to do it by yourself?
ReplyDeleteIf you are in a bad mood but happen to snap out of it, what helped you? Was it talking to a friend on the phone? Or packing the kids into their stroller and walking around the block? Make a list of things like these to use "in case of emergency". You might feel silly now writing them down, but I think you'll benefit from it later during the "real" deployment when you feel to overwhelmed to come up with a solution.
I hope time flies for you and that you'll breeze through these 8 days!
Come for an extended visit to MD (if your family will host you three). ;) We can hang out... and have playdates.
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