Organic Family Planning

While Catholics know and love the amazing teachings of Humanae Vitae (well, most do, anyways. some? More everyday? ), I think the time is ripe to expand the market, if you will, of Natural Family Planning.

But first, I think NFP needs a makeover. We now live in a world gone organic, chemical-free, pesticide-free, BPA-free, hormone-free, cage-free, vegetable/plant based cleaning products, re-purposed, recrafted, recycled crazy. And yet, somehow, in the midst of this, CHEMICAL contraception and PLASTIC/LATEX prophylatics are not only the norm, but are out of control popular. How is it that no one sees the irony? The conflict of interest? The damage to the environment caused by all the estrogen first world women are pee-ing into rivers and streams?

Thus, natural family planning needs a new marketing campaign -
Organic Family Planning.

Looking for a chemical free, hastle free, budget friendly, carbon footprint-less way to plan your family and space your children the way Mother Nature (cough - The Holy Trinity - cough) intended? Look no farther! Organic Family Planning (OFP) is just for you! :)

Whatdya think? Poor advertising slogans aside, there is no denying the benefits of OFP over all forms of contraception available:

• Firstly, OFP isn't actually contraception at all, so you don't to be contra anything. Helps to maintain a positive outlook!
• Chemical contraception causes abortions. No lie.
• Chemical contraception puts harmful chemicals into your body. While it seems like this should be obvious, apparently it needs discussing. Synthetic hormones are just that, synthetic and thus, don't work the same way in the body as our natural hormones. It leads to higher instances of breast cancer, uterine cancer and other cancers, and many other enjoyable side affects including risks of blood clots, heart attack, stroke and death. Just like BPAs and other nasty plastics have lots of unknown and long term side affects on organic tissue, chemical birth control can have lots of negative health effects as well.
• Chemical contraception can lead to trouble getting pregnant once use is discontinued. For some reason, the female reproductive system is the only physiological mechanism that is repeatedly "treated" when it is actually in fine working order. Just like the labor pains and contractions of natural childbirth, menstruation and ovulation are both signs that our bodies are actually working properly. Why does something that is not broken need fixing? Chemical contraception disrupts the ebb and flow of hormones that make a woman's cycle happen normally, including cervical mucus secretions, uterine lining production, and egg ripening and release. When that physiological system is altered and suppressed for years and years, it can lead to unhealthy consequences.
• Chemical contraception often results in weight gain and low libidio. If the pill's primary method of preventing children is to trick your body into thinking its pregnant so that it doesn't release an egg - with the ever handy backup method of aborting any baby that does "accidentially" result from your body trying to reassert itself over the false hormones flowing around - then the body may very well feel pregnant, in the sense that there is a tendency to retain water and be much less interested in marital intimacy.
• Many prophylatics are harmful to the very sensitive vaginal ecosytem and by affecting its pH and [good] bacterial populations, can lead to discomfort and increased risk of yeast infections. Good times!
• Not to mention, all that prophylatic trash has to go somewhere.... and, according to Dirty Jobs, a lot of it ends up in sewage treatment centers, which, of course, goes to the oceans. So, whats the point of using cloth grocery bags if your condoms, diaphrams, etc, just end up in the rivers and streams of America?

Now, we just need to get CCL and Creighton to start printing their paper charts on recycled paper.....